Mmm. Haterade.

The Yankees. USC. The Lakers. The Celtics. North Korea's soccer team. Any team with Terrell Owens. The Patriots. The Cowboys. Any team owned by Al Davis.

The best part about watching some of these teams play is relishing in the loss. Seeing the disappointment in their athletic achievement is an ice-cold refreshing glass of Haterade. The experience is enhanced when you've got two of these teams playing one another so you know that one of them has to lose. I now officially welcome the Miami Heat to the menu of teams that I will love to hate.

I'm definitely not one of those guys that hopes athletes get hurt playing. No way, my friend. That kind of Haterade be way too strong. Plus, you don't want a guy to say stuff like: "Oh, I was hurt. If I was healthy we would have had a chance." You want the circle to be complete; you want the guy to try his hardest but fail in the most spectacular fashion, completely helpless in his own physical ability to prevent defeat.

This is why the neighborhood kids didn't like to play with me.

I was talking to an Ohioan about the King. He was convinced he was going to stay in Cleveland because he felt that LeBron wanted to win a championship in Cleveland and that Cleveland was really close to putting together a championship team. He also felt that Cleveland could offer LeBron the kind of money other places couldn't. The latter was true but I pointed out that LeBron probably had more money than he could spend, so it couldn't be all about the Benjamins. So he went back to talking about how even if the King wanted to be the Lord of the Rings, Cleveland was the best place to do it. I thought for sure that James was going to the Knicks, if they could put together the right team, but when I heard about Bosh and Wade being in Miami I thought that was where LeBron would go. Nothing stunning here, since LeBron already said he's going to Miami, but I thought I'd just drop that piece of wisdom for you. Like I'm so smart I can predict things that have already happened.

The problem with putting all these superstars together is that they have to win a championship. It's the way I felt when the Celtics put together their team. It's going to be fun watching the Heat, because I'm pretty sure all the other teams in the NBA are going to be pretty amped up to play them. So thanks, Miami, for expanding my menu selection. All I can think of is how many delicious cases of Haterade are just chilling in the fridge, waiting for next season to start.

While we're on the topic of basketball, I'd like to thank Chris Cohan for failing financially so that he now is looking for a buyer for the Warriors. Not only have you made the past 10 years great in terms of consistently giving me low expectations, but you've prevented the Warriors from being on any list of teams that people love to hate!