Holiday FAQ

My dear students, As of late, I have been inundated with many of your questions. I assume that this has some relationship to the holiday season. I have compiled a list of these questions as well as others I have anticipated. If you have any questions, please consult this FAQ first. 1. Can we just sit around and talk? No. 2. Can we do something fun? Prepping for the SAT can be fun, you just need to change your attitude. 3. When are we going to the computer lab? If I said that we are going to the computer lab, I promise you that we will eventually arrive at the computer lab. Please do not ask any more questions; if we are not at the computer lab at this very second, it is because we are not finished with whatever I had planned. If I have not said that we are going to the computer lab, then we are not going to the computer lab. 4. That isn't fair. First of all, this is not a question. Second of all, you are correct. Nothing about school is fair. You have to dress according to the dress code. You have to obey your teachers. You get a free education at the expense of adults who go and work. You get to learn in a safe, moderately comfortable environment. This is not fair. If you want, though, I will put a requisition in to transfer you to a labor camp in another country. 5. Do you celebrate Christmas? Yes. But only because my wife makes me. If my wife didn't make me, my mother would make me. 6. Are you some sort of atheist then? No. I am a follower of Jesus Christ. If you wish to know more about my own beliefs, please ask me after class. This is not an appropriate topic for our class during class time. 7. If you celebrate Christmas, can you give us no homework as a Christmas present? First of all, if I gave you a Christmas present, I would also have to give out a Hanukkah present, a Kwanzaa present, and perhaps a Ramadan present. In an effort to be equitable, I will not give out any presents. Second of all, you are assuming that no homework is a good thing. You are wrong. Homework reinforces principles learned in the classroom. Please remember that you signed up for this class; many other students dropped this class during the first week. For whatever reason, you chose to stay. 8. Can I go to the bathroom? Yes. Please remember that I will deduct a participation point for that. 9. Can I go down the hall and get a bottle of water? I am really thirsty. Yes. Please remember that I will deduct a participation point for that. 10. I have permission from my parents/another school administrator/my legal guardian to leave class early. May I go? Yes. 11. I have a medical emergency. May I go see the nurse? Yes. 12. I would like to do something that

• is not required to save my own life or the lives of others
• has little or no relationship to preparing for the SAT

May I do this? No. 13. I would like to do something that

• is required to save my own life or the lives of others
• has a direct relationship to my success on the SAT

May I do this? Yes. 14. Why are you so mean? Yes. 15. Do you hate us? No. I enjoy teaching this class very much.