I started blogging a long time ago. Not like four years ago. I mean like 1999. It started with making a web page. In those days, web pages consisted of <html> and <strong> and <p>. If you got fancy you tried to use <img> with an image of an envelope orbiting the earth. If you were cool you had some sort of black background and you used a lot of green text. We started web page for Saddam Hussein, who wanted to be a professional wrestler. I remember laughing so hard. Those were the days.
Before blogging was called blogging, I began updating a website about how frustrated I was in lab. I'd complain about how I shorted my board. I lamented my lameness in wrapping wires on a breadboard. It sounds lame, but it was pretty fun. And by 'fun' I mean cathartic.
I do like to write, but I rarely update. Part of it can be attributed to my busyness: I've got school, some leadership responsibilities, hanging out with new friends, work. But if I'm honest, a big piece of not writing comes from being vain. I'll write and write, re-read, edit, rewrite… The end of that process usually yields a paragraph or so. I'll read it once more and decide that it is insufficient in showing the world how awesome I am.
But maybe that's the lesson: I'm not that awesome. I am a missed comma, a misspelling, a clichéd phrase. I am confused about capitalizing Chinese (or is it 'chinese'? I mean it's the name of language right?) I am superficial and unwitty. I lack deep significance and am unable to improve the lives of people who read this. I repeat myself over and over and sometimes I say the same things more than once.
So those two things, busyness and vanity, are what contribute to the dearth of posts. This isn't a piece about wanting to write more, though I do want to write more. I write a ton: I write agendas, party plans, minutes, newsletters, customer service replies. It's different to write in this space, because I'm not responding to some obligation. Instead of wanting to write more, though, I'm finding that I'm desiring to write freely.
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