Vacation Thaim

I am 33 years old. Well, I will be, barring some unforeseen circumstance. Vacation in Thailand has been interesting. Today is our ninth day here, and I realize that I'm not really a 'vacation-forever'
guy. Vacation is supposed to be (I think) for recharging, for taking a break. It's not supposed to be forever. At least I hope not. I'm ready to get back home and work, but before I do that, let me review some important firsts that have occurred.

• I have ridden a motorcycle with my pregnant wife on the back, for  the first time, driving on the left-side of the road. (In Thailand,  cars are set up with the steering on the right side of the car so that
your right hand is closest to the center of the road). It is both like  riding a bike and not like riding a bike. First, the motorcycle has  two wheels, like a bike. Second, it has hand-brakes, like a bike.
Third, it can go really fast and you could smash your body into a  brick wall easily, not like a bike. It was pretty fun, but I didn't do  anything too dangerous. Except for go up this steep hill against the  flow of traffic on a motorcycle.
• I learned about Phi Phi island (pronounced 'pee-pee'). I proceeded  to make all the obvious jokes there are (example: 'Oh, Phi phi island?  I go there every morning!'. And: 'I made my own Phi phi island in the
ocean.'). I will probably make these lame jokes in front of you. Lucky!
• I learned that there is a lot of 'using' in relationships between  old foreign men and young Thai women. This was sad. I also learned,  through talking to a couple of Thai women, that it is very common for  Thai women to be divorced. This was sad too.
• I learned that I look like a Thai person and that even though I  learned how to say 'I don't speak Thai' in Thai, this doesn't convince someone that you don't speak Thai. In fact, it encourages them to
continue speaking to you in Thai. I also learned that this phrase makes me a lot of friends.
• I saw my child for the first time. I learned that they look like a  frog/alien. I am very excited to be a dad. I am sure that it will be  different from computer programming.
• I learned that different cultures feel differently about going  topless at the beach. I also learned that this isn't a big deal  especially if most of the people on the beach are over 45.
• I learned that I know how to say 'good-bye' in Russian. I had seen a Russian phrase in a movie once. I used it on some Russian guests at the hotel we were staying. I am still alive. I am assuming it meant
goodbye.