Haterade Plus: Now With More Electrolytes!

Recently I've been sipping the Haterade. And it's been really good lately. I find that, just by adding some human tears, you get an enhanced taste that mimics a delicious margarita.

El Heat have been making me feel muy bien. I don't feel at all bad for D-Wade when he complains that everyone just wants the Heat to lose. You created a super-mega-über team. Of course I'm going to want you to lose! But seriously, I don't see the Warriors crying. That's because they don't have this expectation that "if I try hard, I should succeed". It's a common assumption, especially in American culture. But there are a lot of reasons why, even if you try hard, you shouldn't succeed: you don't have enough resources, you have poor health, you were attacked by bees, a madman runs your country, your name is Charlie Sheen, etc.

At this point, the Heat are going to make it to the playoffs for sure. The question that everyone's wondering is how they'll do in the playoffs. I can't decide what is more delicious: "First Round Exit On the Beach" or "Final Game 7 Beaten By the Buzzer Iced Tea".